You know the inside of my brain so well...

Since you guys obviously have a thing for Elizabeth Montgomery, here's another rare flick from the "Bewitched" star... "The Victim" began Montgomery's reign as one of the queens of TV movies from the '70s until her death in the mid-'90s. She was offered roles in series, but turned them down, instead seeking out parts that could (in her words) "be done in any medium." Meaning stagy dramas, like this one...


First mounted in 1934 as a stage play, "Dark Victory" has become synonymous with Bette Davis, who starred in the quintessential tearjerker film in 1939. The story concerns a woman with a brain tumor who falls in love with her doctor before she dies. In the 1950s, it was remade at least six times for television (first in 1951 on Elizabeth Montgomery's father's series, "Robert Montgomery Presents"), it was adapted as a radio play, and remade again in 1963 as "Stolen Hours."


Initially Montgomery had some trepidation about taking the role. "I'm not one for remakes, but this one held up when I re-read it. It's nice to do a love story for a change," she remarked. One factor that made her want to pursue a tragic love story instead of more then-popular made for TV horror was a perplexing piece of mail she received after "The Legend of Lizzie Borden" aired. "One guy wrote a critique that went on for three pages. It was very articulate. I put it down and looked at the envelope and it was from a state institution. I'm wondering what he was in for. He didn't tell me."


In a twist of irony, Bette Davis and Elizabeth Montgomery were real-life friends -- Davis once jokingly referred to Montgomery as "my illegitimate daughter." When Elizabeth decided to take the role in the film, she tried to call Bette to tell her about the part. "You could reach Betty Ford quicker," Montgomery quipped.


Although the basic plot is the same, the two films are very different. "We strove very judiciously to eliminate all the soap opera qualities and the corn," Montgomery said. "It's essentially a poignant and very possible story about an every-day situation," Montgomery continued. "It's a marvelous love story and though it's sad it's not totally sad."


Every-day situation indeed. Ironically, Davis and Montgomery both died of cancer -- and "Stolen Hours" star Susan Hayward died from brain cancer. Hope that's a heads-up to anyone considering taking a role in the play. Now I should note that the above interview excerpt was stated at the time of the film's release. By 2011 standards, the 1976 movie is WILDLY corny and soap opera-ish. It's also extraordinarily campy, and the depiction of doctors and hospitals in general is probably offensive to everyone in the medical profession (wasn't until "E/R" came along in the '90s that TV writers put any real research into medical jargon and procedures). Still, it's very likable and memorable, and the actors are all very good... at least in the moments when the film's not treading heavily in camp territory.


Costarring Anthony Hopkins as Montgomery's doctor/love interest, Michelle Lee as her best friend and Vic Tayback and Michael Lerner as coworkers, the movie performed admirably on TV, though critical reaction was mixed. It was subsequently released theatrically internationally. Unfortunately, probably due to its extended length, I don't think it was released on video anywhere in the world and it's not out on DVD.


So here's a rip of the film taken from a broadcast last year on cable. I'm guessing this is either a syndication print or the international version, as it runs 12 minutes shorter than the original 150 minute broadcast. Still pretty rare, and doesn't seem to be circulating on the net, other than for sale on ioffer -- and most of those are probably dupes of this slightly-shorter version as well.

Dark Victory
1976. Not Rated. 138 mins.

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You'd better leave that cowboy alone!

If you've never seen Dolly Parton bruised and bloodied, I'll bet you thought you never would. The photo above is the result of a beating she sustained at the hands of Gary Busey in 1991.

Okay, so not really. The pic is from the duo's 1991 movie of the week, "Wild Texas Wind," in which Dolly portrayed a country singer who was trapped in an abusive relationship with her psychotic boyfriend/manager, played by Mr. (a-)Busey. Inspired casting on both accounts.

Also starring in the film was Asleep at the Wheel frontman Ray Benson (as a character named Ben Rayson -- yep, what a stretch!) and a then-poverty-stricken Willie Nelson began his comeback with a cameo in the film singing (what else?) "On the Road Again."

The film was issued on VHS in Canada, the UK and Australia (good luck finding a copy, as they are next to impossible to come by -- at least the NTSC version, the UK tape's not quite as rare) but no soundtrack was released. I rectified the soundtrack situation a while ago, but never offered the movie, so... Below is the soundtrack again, with a few new bonus tracks, as well as a high quality rip of the movie. I finagled this copy of the film from someone who works at a TV network -- and the quality is excellent. Unfortunately, it's the syndication print, which is two minutes shorter and missing one brief scene that appeared in the original network broadcast. And more unfortunate, I can't seem to find my (crummy quality) tape of the original broadcast at the moment. When I do find it, I'll share the missing scene, but this oughta please a bunch of Dolly fans in the meantime...

Wild Texas Wind
1991. Not Rated. 94 mins.

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The Movie: MegaUpload

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Wild Texas Wind

01. Big T
02. There's a Ring Around the Moon
03. Say It's True (Partial) - with Ray Benson
04. Road Happy/On the Road Again - with Ray Benson & Willie Nelson
05. Cover Up a Heart That's Broke
06. Swingin' Like Tarzan and Jane - with Ray Benson
07. Farther Along
08. Leave That Cowboy Alone - with Ray Benson
09. Wild Texas Wind
10. Speakin' of the Devil
11. Tall Man - with Ray Benson
12. My Songbird - Willie Nelson
13. Big T/On the Road Again (reprise)
14. End Titles
BONUS
15. Speakin' of the Devil - album cut
16. Say It's True - unreleased solo version

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The Songs: MegaUpload

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It'd be great to play house here!

Growing up in an era before TV ratings and V-chips, I was exposed to a lot of wildly inappropriate programs -- and I am indeed grateful for that! But there's one movie that traumatized and scarred me for life: a schlocky 1981 made for TV thriller called "This House Possessed." (But since I already told how the film scarred me at the end of an old spoiler-filled Retro Junk article that I wrote, I won't rehash that aspect...)

Gary Straihorne (Parker Stevenson) is a schmaltzy pop singer with millions of adoring fans. When he collapses from "exhaustion" (according to the doctor, though viewers know better) he winds up hospitalized and cared for by nurse Sheila Moore (Stevenson's "Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries" costar Lisa Eilbacher).


Gary convinces Sheila to quit her job and become his personal nurse as he recuperates, and he buys a sprawling mansion with all the modern conveniences of 1981, including video surveillance, solar power and storm-proof windows.


But before either of them ever arrived at the mansion, they were showing up on the video surveillance monitors -- and after they arrive, really strange things begin to happen... Soon Gary's pill-popping ex Tanya (Shelley Smith) arrives to create an awkward love triangle, and Sheila finds herself intrigued by the mysterious town eccentric, The Rag Lady (screen legend Joan Bennett, in one of her final roles).


What makes "This House Possessed" so interesting is it's not, as the title suggests, a haunted house film. The house itself is living, breathing (literally, at one point) entity with a mind of its own that is capable of using anything within its confines to achieve its ultimate goal. And that ultimate goal is... just plain weird! When I saw the movie again in the early '90s, I recognized it was schlock, but it's very unusual, highly atmospheric schlock filled with great performances, odd moments and an über-creepy score by perennial '70s and '80s TV composer Billy Goldenberg ("Duel," "The Legend of Lizzie Borden").


Probably should mention the rest of the actors. Amanda Wyss appears as a horny teenager in the opening (scare) scene, and she'd go on to be Freddy Krueger's first on-screen victim. Slim Pickens, who mostly starred in westerns (as well as "The Howling" and the twisted '80s sitcom "Filthy Rich") plays Gary's manager. K. Callan plays the town's nosy librarian, and she's been a staple TV guest star for four decades. Similarly stock character actor Barry Corbin plays a cop... a role he's perfected over the years. David Paymer shows up briefly as a doctor, and he'd go on to win an Oscar as well as appear in flicks like "Night of the Creeps," "Howard the Duck" and the whacked-out black comedy "Bartleby." The ubiquitous Philip Baker Hall has a blink-and-you-missed-it role as a records office clerk, and he'd later star in genre films like "Ghostbusters II" and "Die Mommie Die" as well as the remakes of "Psycho" and "The Amityville Horror." Not a shabby cast.

I really want this script but can't afford $68 for it!

Filmed under the title "American Gothic," the producers were planning on finding a Victorian mansion for their principal character. But when scouting locations, they came upon a $25 million modern mansion in San Diego that sat on a whopping 220 acres of land -- and they knew they'd found their location. "I studied architecture at Princeton, and for me to spend three weeks on location in this house was wonderful," Stevenson told the Associated Press.



Stevenson performed three songs in the movie (co-written by composer Goldenberg and "Rocky" theme song lyricist Carol Connors), and this was the first time he'd sang professionally -- but he wasn't worried about that aspect. "I come from a family of singers," he boasted, adding, "My sister, Sarah McCord, is a professional singer."


And with his feathered helmet-hair, open shirt, corny lyrics and on-stage collapse, one could easily mistake him for one of the brothers Gibb. Actually, it's too bad there's no soundtrack, cuz the songs are kinda catchy in an annoying late '70s Barry Manilow sorta way.

Nope, that isn't Carrie White...

The film was a direct result of Stevenson's "Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys Mysteries" show. In his contract, he had the option to make two movies for ABC after the series ended. Problem was, he was attracted to projects that "weren't commercial" enough for the network. After having numerous ideas rejected, Stevenson settled on this starring vehicle, hoping it would be successful enough that the network would approve a follow-up that was a little less commercial... though a second film never materialized.


In an ironic twist, "This House Possessed" debuted on ABC the same night "The Brady Girls Get Married" premiered on NBC. What makes it ironic is that "The Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys Mysteries" and "The Brady Bunch Variety Hour" both debuted on ABC around the same time (matter of fact, this "Hardy Boys" promo aired during the "Variety Hour") -- obviously one was successful and the other wasn't, leading the Bradys to jump network (for the second time) for another short-lived revival.

Best as I can tell, "This House Possessed" was never issued on video anywhere in the world (don't ask me where the art directly above originated). The rip below originated at CG: it's an uncut broadcast from the now-defunct Turner South network (as the prominent logo in the corner so clearly states), and the quality's the best you're likely to find. Here's hoping the film will one day get the deluxe, remastered DVD release it so desperately deserves!

This House Possessed
1981. Not Rated. 96 mins.

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I don't have enough leftover images to warrant a gallery (and imagebam's giving me problems at the moment anyway), so.... Here's two vintage articles!

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Who planned this thing, the 3 Stooges?

What happens when you plop precocious Gary Coleman into the middle of a caper comedy with great actors like Paul Le Mat, Dee Wallace, Ruth Gordon, Cleavon Little, Pat Morita, TV personalities Don Adams and Avery Schreiber, and perennial 'fat guy' character actor Walter Olkewicz? You get one of the most moronic forgotten comedies of the '80s!


Based on the novel of the same name by Donald E. Westlake, with a script penned by "Saved By the Bell" creator Sam Bobrick, and directed by "The Black Hole"'s Gary Nelson, "Jimmy the Kid" centers on an eclectic group of petty burglars (Le Matt, Wallace, Gordon, Olkewicz) who decide to use a novel as their inspiration for a kidnapping heist that they hope will result in the biggest payoff of their criminal careers. The target? Obviously that's the young, wealthy, wisecracking Coleman, in his second (and last) leading role in a theatrical film. Soon detective Adams (in Maxwell Smart mode, as always) is on the trail of the kidnappers, bumbling all the way. Here's the trailer:

Although made in the early '80s (Dee Wallace most likely went right from the set of "E.T." to this), the film's got a distinctly late '70s vibe to it. There's car chases, off-color jokes, bumbling cops, there's even a scene set at McDonald's and a great period score by John Cameron ("Psychomania"). And speaking of that score, the end credits cite a soundtrack release on Regency Records, which I spent a quarter of a century searching for... but apparently it was never actually issued.


The story's pretty dumb and some of the gags are lame -- but there are a bunch of great one-liners, and scene stealing Ruth Gordon's character is one of the funniest she ever played (aside from her iconic role in "Harold and Maude," of course). Wallace is also cute and charismatic, speaking with a fabricated squeaky voice that makes her seem like a 1930s gangster's moll. Matter of fact, the whole gang of criminals are extremely lovable and well cast... but other characters didn't fare quite as well.


Pat Morita as Coleman's blind limo driver(!) gets stuck in one eye-rolling gag after another. Don Adams spends a good chunk of the film in drag doing his inane schtick. (Chances are Adams was cast because director Gary Nelson directed many episodes of "Get Smart" as well as the '80s TV movie "Get Smart Again.") Jimmy's parents (Cleavon Little, Fay Hauser) are cartoonish country singers who sing a painfully stupid song called "Keep Your Paws Off of My Dog." And former Doritos spokesman Avery Schrieber briefly appears as Jimmy's perpetually confused German psychiatrist.


The film was released in November 1982, which ensured its fate as a forgotten film. The easiest way for a studio to bury a picture is to release it in mid-November, because ticket sales are slow and it's pretty much guaranteed it'll be bumped out of theatres within a few weeks to make room for an onslaught of holiday movies. Didn't help matters that 1982 was an especially big year for blockbusters. But, like so many other movies that suffered the same fate, it quickly turned up on HBO and was scheduled fairly continuously for the next five years. Unfortunately, it's since been forgotten and has never been released on DVD. Similarly, the novel's been out of print for almost 20 years and now fetches ridiculous resale prices.


Should mention that Bobrick opted not to keep a great inside joke from Westlake's novel: the kidnappers were following a book called "Child Heist," written by Richard Stark. Stark is one of Westlake's aliases. Westlake's novel was again adapted to a 1999 German film released by Buena Vista (?!). There's not much information about the '99 film online (though there's a brief TV spot on YouTube) and that version's never been issued on video in any format, but it's worth noting that the German "Jimmy" was a little white girl.


So here's a rip of the '82 movie taken from my VHS. Minor glitch before "Keep Your Paws Off of My Dog," but otherwise it plays fine. I switched software, so this one plays much more smoothly than some of my other recent video rips.

Jimmy the Kid
1982. Rated PG. 88 mins.

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I'm sure her bite is poisonous!

After "Bewitched" was canceled, star Elizabeth Montgomery was looking to change her image. She eventually succeeded by starring as Lizzie Borden, but before that she appeared in another horror movie of the week called "The Victim" (later re-titled "Out of Contention"), which was adapted from a short story titled "The Storm" (also the basis for a 1962 episode of the anthology series "Thriller").


Montgomery starred as Kate Wainwright, a women who travels to the country to see her sister, Susan (Jess Walton). Arriving during a terrible rainstorm that ultimately cuts her off from civilization altogether, Kate discovers there's no signs of Susan anywhere, only creepy housekeeper Mrs. Hawkes (Eileen Heckart, "The Bad Seed"). As the night wears on, Kate begins to fear something horrible has happened to Susan... and with good reason, since it's established to the audience pretty quickly that Susan is dead in the basement!


"The Victim" is not a great movie, mostly because there's a whole lot of nothing happening. Montgomery wanders around an empty house, converses with the neighbor (Sue Ane Langdon) and others via telephone, as well as with the housekeeper and Susan's soon-to-be ex husband (George Maharis, "Route 66"). Unfortunately, it's blatantly apparent how the movie's gonna end eons before it actually concludes. It's one of those old movies of the week that people seem to have very fond memories of... fuzzy memories of a film that's better than it actually is.


However, the performances are all great -- Heckart and Montgomery bounced lines off one another particularly well. There's also a great sense of dread, a genuinely creepy atmosphere, and some stalking POV shots pre-"Black Christmas" and "Halloween." Not too many films can claim the latter.



The movie's never been released on DVD, but it was issued on VHS in both Canada and the UK as "Out of Contention." This rip is my own of the Canadian video. There's a few minor glitches as the movie begins and a tracking line on the very bottom that I couldn't get rid of, but otherwise the quality is pretty good. Worth noting, however, that the tape ends abruptly without closing credits. And apologies for lack of cover art -- my tape got loaned out years ago and the box wasn't returned (the NTSC cover had a pretty generic painting of a gloomy house; no photos).

The Victim (aka Out of Contention)
1972. Not Rated. 70 mins.

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Elvira's NEW Movie Macabre in stores now!

She's back and she's badder than ever! Yep, in case you were unaware, Elvira returned to the air last September with a new incarnation of her '80s "Movie Macabre" show. In the old days, the bewigged one was at the mercy of her bosses and network censors. She had no control over which movies were shown and, although she spouted off as many double-entendres as the (TV) law would allow, she couldn't be as sleazy as she wanted to be. Well, times have changed, and now she's her own boss, which means a lot of z-grade '50s-'70s trash and dirty jokes galore!


Four episodes of the new series are now available on two discs. First up is the classic "Night of the Living Dead" (the premiere episode) and the moronic "I Eat Your Skin," which (as Elvira points out) contains no actual skin-eating. Volume 2 includes the dull schlocker "The Satanic Rites of Dracula" (which was enlivened by some humorous editing during its broadcast) and the likably dopey "Werewolf of Washington." If you're looking into the show for the first time, "Werewolf of Washington" is a great place to start -- if for no other reason than to see Elvira's deadpan send-up of Sarah Palin:

Both discs seem to have the same special features: Behind the scenes, photo shoot, Ghoultown music video, and previews. Retail price is $14.98, amazon's got 'em for $10.99.

On August 14th, two more sets of DVDs will be released, including the Roger Corman/Jack Nicholson snoozer "The Terror" with the Arch Hall Jr. musical campfest "Eegah," and the tacky classic "The Brain That Wouldn't Die" with the cornball, aptly-named "The Manster."


Probably should mention that the theme song, "What Can I Do?" by The Black Belles, is available as a 7" picture disc from Thirdman Records. One side is the instrumental (featured during the opening credits), the other includes lyrics (featured during the closing credits), and it comes wrapped in a fold-out coffin sleeve (above), featuring Elvira on the front and her makeup secrets (along with a pic of The Black Belles) on the back.


Plus elvira.com recently got a massive makeover, which includes exclusive content for her fan club members! After a near-decade-long absence from the spotlight (save for that moronic reality show), it's good to finally have Elvira back!

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