Saturday, November 28, 2009

Krofftapalooza: Lidsville's Giant Haterpillar!


Okay, so I guess I lied last week when I said there'd be more Krofft Supershow today. But Lidsville is Krofft and it is a super show! So here's issue 4 of the Lidsville comic, which features the stories "The Giant Hat'erpillar" and "Bunsmoke." The latter title sounds rather obscene to me... but it wouldn't be Krofft if it weren't off-kilter!


And speaking of off-kilter, "The Giant Hat'erpillar" seems to have been adapted from the "Mark and the Beanstalk" episode -- up to a point anyway, which probably caused the late Charles Nelson Reilly to rejoice. As much as he complained about The Great Hoodoo's attire, I'm certain he would've been really unhappy in green makeup and a caterpillar outfit. "Bunsmoke," on the other hand, is an entirely original story that features Hoodoo becoming obsessed with TV westerns. And juvenile as it may seem, I'll never be able to utter that title with a straight face.


Lidsville #4
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Something to think about: Horatio J. Hoodoo resides in the land of living hats and is frequently clad in a top hat. Now I don't know for certain how hat people would reproduce, but does that mean that Hoodoo's having sex every time he wears his hat? Even more disturbing is that in Lidsville, a top hat would most probably be male (unless, you know, Marlene Dietrich resides there), so does that mean Hoodoo's gay? Actually, if he is gay, that would explain why he was so obsessed with the butch Mark and the seemingly transsexual genie named Weenie (ironic name considering one can easily presume he didn't have one). And theoretically, what would happen if Nursie was to reproduce with, say, Mr. Big? What kind of freaky, big-headed offspring would that produce? And would their spawn be good or evil? And am I completely insane for pondering all this madness?


The answer to that last question is: "Anyway...."
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Thursday, November 26, 2009

Got Holiday Guests?


So you've got people stopping by for Thanksgiving? Then print out this handy legal notice and proudly display it in your bathroom! Make certain your loved ones are aware of the bathroom rules!

Vinnie's helpful hints: Never love thy neighbor. It's easier for them to stalk you once you've finished humping.
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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Krofftapalooza: Pink Lady (and Jeff!)


In 1980, the Sid and Marty Krofft had two more memorable forays into television, once again in prime time. "Barbara Mandrell and the Mandrell Sisters" was, perhaps, the last successful American variety show (though it wasn't instantly a success). But for every hit, there's bound to be a miss... and earlier that same year, they'd had a whopper! Since I have a rep for trudging up the misses....


Though "The Brady Bunch Hour" is generally regarded as one of the worst series of all time, it's "Pink Lady and Jeff" that's blamed for killing the variety show format entirely. Pink Lady was a Japanese singing duo consisting of childhood friends Mie Nemoto ("Me") and Kei Masuda ("Kay"). In Japan, they'd had a very successful career, even garnering their own animated television series and big-screen movie -- they were like the Japanese Beatles.


In 1979, they'd had a minor disco hit on the American pop charts called "Kiss in the Dark," which they'd recorded in English phonetically. Fred Silverman, then the newest President and CEO of NBC, was in dire need of a hit and after seeing Pink Lady on the CBS Evening News, he became convinced that the ladies were the next big thing in the USA, so he enlisted the Kroffts to stage a variety show for them. Not only did the duo never have another hit song here in the States, but neither of the ladies could speak English.


The Kroffts shot a test reel with Mie and Kei, and that was enough to convince Silverman it could work (the hit potential was reinforced when Sid Krofft escorted the ladies to Disneyland and they were mobbed by Japanese tourists!). Stand-up comedian Jeff Altman ("Nurses") was brought aboard to compensate for the English speaking that the leads lacked, and the series was underway. Sid came up with the concept that the show should be staged as the most bizarre show ever on television; Silverman wanted another "Donny and Marie." Sid relented but the result was smack dab in the middle: the most bizarre "Donny and Marie" knockoff that ever hit the airwaves.

video

Officially, the show was simply titled "Pink Lady" -- their management threatened a lawsuit if Altman's name was in the on-screen title (but "and Jeff" still wound up being used continuously in NBC's promotion). Despite an incredible roster of guests (from Roy Orbison to Hugh Hefner) and an ensemble that included Jim Varney (who shot his first Ernest P. Worrell television commercial that same year), the show was considered an embarrassment to everyone involved. It was fairly obvious that Mei and Kei had no idea what they were saying, and the ladies were forced to sing English disco standards at a time when disco had thoroughly worn out its welcome and was on the verge of extinction. Additionally, the network forced the writers to come up with separate personalities for Mie and Kei, which completely defeated the purpose of the synchronized act that had made them famous in Japan.


Altman, who's not an unfunny comic, was meanwhile reduced to playing second banana, and the bizarre skits he got stuck in were generally humorless.... plus each show ended with Jeff getting into a hottub in his tuxedo (29 years after I first saw the show, I still don't understand that running gag).


Perhaps most painful were the music-video like sequences with Pink Lady -- lipsynching to tracks prerecorded in a language foreign to them, the ladies continuously tripped up (the video for their cover of the Beatles' "Yesterday" in particular is so bad it's utterly excruciating to watch -- though their harmonies on the song are beautiful). It's no wonder that the show was lampooned numerous times by Johnny Carson and on "Saturday Night Live" -- which is what helped secure "Pink Lady and Jeff"'s reputation. And adding further insult, several of their music "guest stars" didn't actually appear live, they merely submitted music videos (though shock rocker Alice Cooper deserves some credit for submitting an original live performance of his then-forthcoming strange new wave crossover song "Clones," as opposed to the routine "Midnight Special"-like music video clips that Cheap Trick and two-time guests Blondie provided... but ironically, Coop's clip would later be dubbed and turned into a music video for his "Prime Cuts" video biography).


Credit where it's due, though -- obviously the ladies worked their asses off (though Mei generally looked uncomfortable), but there was minimal rehearsal time (the ladies were commuting back and forth to perform at sell-out concerts in Japan), and the show was quickly thrown together. The best parts of the show, for whatever it's worth, were the segments with Jeff bantering with Mie and Kei. As a matter of fact, if the ladies were better versed in English, it could've worked as a regular "let's gang up and insult Jeff" show, but it's the bad comedy skits (which Pink Lady seldom participated in) that really dragged the show down. Well, that and the fact that it was scheduled opposite "The Dukes of Hazzard," which was still garnering huge ratings in 1980. And, you know, there's also the facts that nobody here knew who the hell Pink Lady was, they weren't used to singing in Engrish and Hooked on Phonics hadn't yet been invented to teach them how to properly enunciate.


As with "The Brady Bunch Hour," there was some strange casting going on. Krofft alums Florence Henderson, Donny Osmond, Red Buttons ("Side Show," which had been filmed but not yet aired) and Bobby Vinton (who'd shot a Krofft pilot in 1978 called "Bobby Vinton's Rock 'n' Rollers") all guest-starred. Alice Cooper was friends with the Krofft brothers. Greg Evigan was doubtlessly pushed onto the show because his sitcom "B.J. and the Bear" was airing on the same network. Larry Hagman, Hugh Hefner, Jerry Lewis and Lorne Greene (who agreed to do the show mere hours before it was taped) were enticed to appear with $100,000 paychecks. Don't ask me how (or more importantly *why*) they got Sid Caesar to guest-star on literally half of the episodes.


And then there's a very odd coincidence: nearly every musical guest was associated with the big-screen flop "Roadie," which hit the screen later that year. Blondie, Roy Orbison and Alice Cooper all appeared in the film, while Teddy Pendergrass and Cheap Trick were both prominently featured on the soundtrack. If all of these acts were all on the same record label, this coincidence would be logical -- but they weren't.

Image from the incredible Pink Lady America site!

So anyway, here's all the music from the show -- except the Blondie and Cheap Trick tracks (didn't seem important to include them since they were from videos with the album cuts). "Turn Up the Radio" and "Cheapshot Magazine" are repeated, but they're different versions. And like those two tracks, many other songs ("New York, New York," "Hooray for Hollywood," etc.) were used as short wraparounds for inane skits, so I crudely had to edit them into one track. Now you can relive the horrors of this trainwreck or experience it for the first time. Either way, enjroy!

Pink Lady and Jeff
Music from the TV Series

01. Pink Lady Theme
02. Boogie Wonderland - Pink Lady
03. Turn up the Radio - Pink Lady
04. Stop in the Name of Love - Pink Lady
05. Get Ready - Chorus with Jeff Altman
06. Boogie Woogie Bugle Babe of Company B - Chorus
07. Hooray for Hollywood - Chorus
08. Movies Were Movies - Bert Parks
09. You've Got a Friend/Don't Stop/Knock on Wood - Pink Lady
10. Ease on Down the Road - Pink Lady
11. Turn up the Radio - Pink Lady
12. The Carter Family's Political Song
13. Heaven Knows/I Know I'll Never Love This Way Again/We Are Family- Donny Osmond & Pink Lady
14. Close the Door/Do Me - Teddy Pendergrass
15. New York, New York - Chorus
16. 42nd Street - Donny Osmond & Pink Lady
17. On Broadway - Teddy Pendergrass & Pink Lady
18. U.F.O. - Pink Lady
19. We Have No Unleaded - Chorus
20. People I Know I Wanna Be Around - Greg Evigan
21. Cheapshot Magazine - Chorus
22. You Needed Me/Don't Go Breakin' My Heart/Last Dance - Pink Lady & Greg Evigan
23. Chicago - Chorus
24. Chicago (My Kind of Town) - Hugh Hefner
25. You Just Keep Me Hanging On - Pink Lady
26. Turn Up the Radio - Pink Lady
27. Yesterday - Pink Lady
28. My Old Kentucky Home/America the Beautiful - Florence Henderson
29. How Deep Is Your Love/Shame/Le Freak - Pink Lady
30. Moonstar - Pink Lady
31. Cheapshot Magazine - Chorus
32. Strange Things Are Happening - Pink Lady
33. Old Abe Lincoln - Chorus
34. MacArthur Park - Pink Lady
35. Clones - Alice Cooper
36. Do You Think I'm Sexy/Dancing Queen/If They Could See Me Now - Pink Lady
37. Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch - Pink Lady
38. Bobby Vinton Medley - Bobby Vinton
39. Oh, Pretty Woman - Roy Orbison
40. Crazy Little Thing Called Love/Him/Johnny B Goode - Pink Lady & Bobby Vinton
41. Blue on Blue/End Credits - Jeff Altman & Bobby Vinton

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And for the record, "Pink Lady and Jeff" is available to own on DVD!
(But nowadays you'll have to break out the credit card with the extended limit!)
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Sunday, November 22, 2009

The Goonies Souvenir Magazine


Often times magazines for movies aimed at kids were little more than lamebrained picture books (see "The Garbage Pail Kids Movie Magazine"). "The Goonies Souvenir Magazine," however, doesn't fall into those usual trappings (much like the previous year's "Gremlins Souvenir Magazine") -- it's jam packed full of rich stuff! This one's very well-written and informative, with a ton of little known factoids (wanna know how they made the bats, what really came out of Data's slick shoes or what movie they used for reference in creating the pirate ship? You'll find the answers here!) as well as lots of quotes from the cast and crew and tons of on-set, candid and behind the scenes photos. It's no wonder this magazine frequently fetches double-digits on online auctions.


I opted not to paste the two-page spreads together -- far more work than I'm up to. And for the record, I'd like to go postal on the moron who first decided to spread photos across two book pages. They never quite line up properly and are always nightmarish to scan.


The Goonies Souvenir Magazine

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Saturday, November 21, 2009

Krofftapalooza: Krofft... Supershow!


"Don't get left behind, take a trip with us today; we will lead you through a land of dreams. Krofft has some super shows, they will blow your mind away! When you join us, you'll know why we say... It's just a crazy world where anything goes down, where most of what appears isn't true. So in this crazy world, we like to be around and laugh at life along with you. The Krofft... Supershow! The Krofft... Supershow!"



Alright, tell me that the theme song isn't about drugs. And tell me the shows weren't aimed at people ON drugs:


You've got Electra-corny superheroines ripped off from Batman....




...a goofy dune buggy with a magic horn that that flies....



....a ridiculously egomaniacal scientist (assisted by a midget sidekick) who shrinks people...




...a Scooby Doo-ish "I Dream of Jeannie" ripoff with a bumbling male genie...



...Jim Nabors and Ruth Buzzi as freaky alien (there's a stretch) androids with an even freakier dorse (dog-horse creature)...



...Tarzan and Bigfoot....



....and a Korny, white, faux band with brow-raising initials who wear hideous clothes and continuously indulge in terrible jokes, cringe-inducing puns and bad disco songs.


And why in God's name has all of this wonderful goodness not been widely seen (intact) in 30 years?! Greatest... show.... ever! Oh I know what happened:


The Bay City Rollers took the reigns of the show and effectively killed off Saturday mornings with Sid & Marty Krofft. Damned hippie roller-disco punks. I mean, you'd think that one on the right would at least have had the decency to wear underwear while shooting a Saturday morning kids' show. I can't not look at it. Suppose he figured since he'd be leaning against a phallus-headed dragon anyway...


So here's a season 2 comic-ish Golden Book adaptation of the show that includes a couple Kaptain Kool and the Kongs skits as well as three stories: Wonderbug in HONK MEETS A QUACK, Bigfoot & Wildboy in THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN, and Magic Mongo in THREE WISHES! Too bad there's no stories based on the first season shows. I know I'd rather read a story with Dr. Shrinker than Magic Mongo.

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(Tune in next Saturday morning for more Krofft Supershow!)
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Friday, November 20, 2009

Circus Magazine: Sept 30, 1992


Generally when I veer away from movies and TV the downloads aren't as popular -- but it hasn't escaped my attention that you guys enjoyed the hell out of the old music magazines that I've recently offered. I wonder why there aren't many scans of these sorts of magazines floating around cyberspace (but there's comics on every other blog). I've also noticed that the recent CBR files I've uploaded have been getting a substantial amount of hits, so I've been adding CBR links for some of my older print shares and intend to continue this trend (though it seems like all I ever do is upload for you greedy people!). But enough of my incessant blathering -- on to the share! Get ready for lots of dated metal singers who really thought they were stylin' with their bare chests and huge hair... and KISS without their makeup!

KISS without makeup is like Santa with a DayGlo green suit!

This September '92 issue of "Circus Magazine" features a cover story on Queen and late frontman Freddie Mercury, as well as then-current info on Sebastian Bach and Skid Row, Megadeath, KISS (including the complete sheet music for "God Gave Rock and Roll to You II"), Faith No More, Mike Patton, Body Count, Obituary, Warrant, Def Leppard, Mr Big, Henry Rollins Band, Metallica, Firehouse, Suicidal Tendencies, Faster Pussycat, Ozzy Osbourne and more! I inadvertantly skipped two pages that were stuck together when I was scanning this -- both were forgettable ads (one bland "subscribe to Circus" and yet another metal band memorabilia seller with lots of infinitesimal thumbnails and text) and it wasn't worth the trouble of going back, scanning and renumbering everything. Yep, it's two pages short, folks. And yep, I've continued to incessantly blather.

This photo is disturbing for so many reasons.
I'm holding a contest to see if you can list them all*

CIRCUS MAGAZINE
September 30, 1992
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*This contest is only valid for residents of the Arctic. The winner will receive a lifetime supply of Dip Sea Doo Fishsticks and one gently used left shoe which smells of rotten herring. Residents of other continents may respond to this addlebrained gimmick but the odds of winning reduce significantly. In the event that no winner is picked, I will resume wearing my left shoe and return the fish sticks to the freezer. Offer null at The Fortress of Solitude and surrounding continents.
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Thursday, November 19, 2009

Beatles: Yellow Submarine Magazine


Since I currently have the Yellow Submarine on my site banner, it seems appropriate to have more Yellow Submarine shares... So here's "The Official Beatles Yellow Submarine Magazine!" This 1968 tie-in magazine tells the story of the film and, like the comic book adaptation, veers away from the finished film a bit (though not nearly as drastically -- and this one's not a cavalcade of bad puns). As I mentioned when I posted the comic, the tie-in books were adapted from the ever-changing script before the film was completed.


16 pages of this 52 page magazine (condensed to 41 scans, as I spent way too much time photoshopping the 2-page spreads together) are devoted to "The Beatles: Yesterday... Today... and Tomorrow." It gives a brief history of the band, what they were up to in 1968 (including photos from the London premiere of the film) and their plans for the future (that never came to pass).


The Official Beatles Yellow Submarine Magazine

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"My, what a big... glove you have!"
"All the better to finger you with, my dear."
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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

You've made this a Christmas to Remember

In 1984, Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton shot a TV special to accompany their album "Once Upon a Christmas." "A Christmas to Remember" became an instant holiday classic and was rerun for several years before vanishing into obscurity. The special was resurrected on cable in the late '90s for several more airings before again vanishing from circulation. Annoyingly, it's never had an official VHS or DVD release anywhere in the world... though bootlegs have been rampant for forever (when are the companies who own beloved things like this gonna realize they could be turning a monstrous profit?!) and some of the musical segments turn up from time to time as music videos (particularly "Christmas Without You" -- which drastically differs from the album cut). Anyway, here's the best copy of the special I've got, which I taped during a 1997 airing...


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This pre-Christmas Christmas trend is only temporary, by the way...
"I must stop Christmas from coming... but how?"
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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Jingle-ball, jingle-ball, Jingleball Rock!


2003 was a big year for all-star concert TV specials that only aired once. "Jingleball Rock" is a prime example (as is the similarly titled "The Disco Ball," which played earlier in the year). This holiday special includes performances by Beyoncé Knowles, Hilary Duff, Jessica Simpson, Kelly Clarkson, Simple Plan and Jennifer Lopez and appearances by J.C. Chasez, Kelly Rowland, Lance Bass, Mischa Barton, Nick Lachey, Rick Dees and Ryan Seacrest. Funny thing is several of the songs performed aren't Christmasy in the least (and aside from Simple Plan -- who are more punk-pop -- one could hardly classify these artists as "rock!").

Songs include:
Crazy in Love - Beyoncé Knowles
Grown-Up Christmas List - Kelly Clarkson
With You - Jessica Simpson
Perfect - Simple Plan
My Christmas List - Simple Plan
What Christmas Should Be - Hilary Duff
So Yesterday - Hilary Duff
The Trouble with Love Is - Kelly Clarkson
Silent Night - Beyoncé Knowles


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It would appear I'm making yet another descent into gayness here.... but I like Simple Plan. They sang the theme song to "What's New Scooby-Doo," so they can't be that gay.

(But on the other hand, they sang the theme song to "What's New Scooby-Doo....")
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Sunday, November 15, 2009

The Tale of the Dark Crystal


Time for another Dark Crystal share! I could get into an overlong rant about the upcoming sequel, but I'll keep it brief: I have to credit them for taking the time to develop it and (if reports are true) for trying to reassemble as much of the crew from the original film as possible. It'll never top the original, but that gives me some hope that it won't completely suck.

(I have a feeling someone's gonna use this pic for wallpaper....)

Anyway, here's "The Tale of The Dark Crystal," a beautifully illustrated storybook by Donna Bass and Bruce McNally. This one is brought to you by frequent visitor Manic Man, so thank him for the scans, not me!


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"End, begin, all the same. Big change. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad."
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